Sunday, 28 October 2012

One step at a time

I haven’t cried for a week now which is a real achievement. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been plenty of times when I could have. But I just decided I’m not letting myself sit in the victim mentality anymore. It’s just not my style.

It has been a difficult week as ovulating bought a whole new range of challenges. I never stopped to think about the impact ovulating would have. And lets face it, why would you? I was surprised I was even ovulating at my normal time anyway. But clearly the process of ovulating affected whatever internal processes went on through the operation so my body has been immense discomfort for a few days.

I had the standard pains on my right side but they quickly escalated into stabbing pains. They then moved to my left side and delivered those quick stabbing pains that make you feel dizzy. I went to the chiropractor thinking I had put my back out but then realised it was this wonderful baby-making process that was to blame.

I feel a little ashamed to say I doubted the process was actually happening. I was so surprised that my body could be bouncing back to normal so quickly that I didn’t believe it. I bought a 7 day pregnancy planning kit for some reassurance but all it bought me was anxiety.  

The kit comes with 6 ovulation tests and a pregnancy test so all your pregnancy needs are covered. I did the ovulation test two mornings in a row and got a negative result. I was sucked in and wondered if I was really ovulating or whether it was just post-op cramps. Then I read some reviews on these tests and realised they are very fiddly and need to be done at the right time – which could be any time. I decided that given everything was happening the way it had when I fell pregnant, I would trust in what my body was telling me rather than what a piece of cardboard wasn’t telling me.

My husband and I had discussed if we would try again this cycle or wait for my period to come. We just decided to give it a crack, understanding my body would fall pregnant when it was ready to. I did some research and the reasons they suggest waiting until you’ve had a cycle is so you have a conception date and you have time for the pregnancy hormones to leave your body. Otherwise you could get a false-positive pregnancy test and thinking you’re having a miscarriage when you’re having your period.

Knowing this – I decided to be smart and did a pregnancy test. Sure enough, the second line came up. I realised that the other reason I have felt emotional this week is knowing that if I’m ovulating, I will soon have my period and that will be the ultimate slap in the face that there is no longer a baby in there. I try not to think about it too much but the thought brings a pang of sadness to my heart.

But, with my positive pregnancy test, and dodgy ovulation tests put away, I’m ready to tackle it. I know I’ll have to wait a few weeks and if my period doesn’t turn up, I won’t get too excited if I get a positive pregnancy test. To be honest, the way we’re going at the moment, there isn’t much chance of it happening. My husband and I tried to have sex and the support to out bed slats fell off and we nearly collapsed through the bed. Funny how that can kill the mood!  

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