For those who may have missed it, I did a pregnancy
test on Sunday which came up positive. This was slightly exciting given I used
the same test just two days before and got a negative. My hope was short lived
though as my period turned up the next day. So this leads me to question what
creates a false positive?
Now, before I go on, let me quickly recap the events of
Sunday. I woke up with a stabbing pain in my breast so decided to do one more
test. I used a Forelife digital test assuming they were more sensitive. After a
few minutes, there was a flashing “+” sign indicating positive. I reserved my
excitement and conducted two strip tests which were both negative. I didn’t get
my hopes up but they were slightly raised. I decided to wait until Tuesday to
test again but Mother Nature made that unnecessary.
According to the information included with the test, false
positives are very rare and can be caused by incorrect timing of the test (as
in holding it in the pee stream for too long), using a dirty cup if you’re
collecting your specimen, interpreting the results incorrectly or a variety of
infections or diseases. In my case I didn’t hold it for too long, I didn’t use
a dirty cup, it only comes up with a “+” or “-“ so not too hard to tell the
difference and as far as I know I don’t have any diseases. Although maybe I
shouldn’t rule out “ovary tumours” as the information so helpfully suggests as
a potential cause.
Given this information provided no credible reason for the
false reading, I took to Google for more answers. Other possible causes include
evaporation
lines on stick tests, certain medications, defective tests or a chemical
pregnancy. Basically, I’m putting it
down to a defective test. And yes, I did test again on Tuesday, just to be sure
and it was negative!
There is a strong debate between the benefits of digital
versus stick tests. Digital tests are less prone to misinterpretation as the results
are clear, however, clearly, they cannot always be relied on. Digital tests are
also considerably more expensive when stick tests will give you the same
result. Given my experience, I’m not swayed either way. From now on, I will
just make sure I have three different tests on hand and I’ll go with what the majority
say!
So that brings me to the cruelty of such a response.
Luckily, this was not my first experience with a positive pregnancy test
result. If it was, and I got the positive only to bleed the next day, I would
have assumed I had an early miscarriage. That would be a natural response for
many women and one that is not necessarily correct. And I must admit, the
thought did enter my mind.
It was one of those moments that made me look up and scream “How
much crap do you want me to deal with here?” Having a miscarriage is bad
enough. Having to go to work and see two pregnant women due the same time as me
just rubs salt into my wounds – every, single, day. Getting a false positive is
like adding vinegar to the salt – the sting just intensifies. At times, it just
becomes too much to bare.
I’d like to think that when you have a miscarriage, a bubble
automatically drops from the heavens and surrounds you in a protective cocoon.
Its force field blocks all the other negative things that happen, the problems
you have to deal with and all the other pressures in your world. The gods deem
you are suffering enough so you get to walk around in this protective layer,
knowing nothing else can hurt you. You are allowed to just grieve and heal in
your time. Then, when you’re ready, the bubble bursts and you go back to
dealing with life, knowing you’re strong enough to handle things. Sadly, that
doesn’t happen!
Nearly five months on, I have learnt to stay alert so I can
try to dodge the next meteor of crap that will come hurtling toward me. It’s so
sad to realise there has only been intermittent periods of feeling protected,
but nothing that lasts more than a few days. I feel like each meteor hit
creates another chink in my armour and I’m worried that eventually, my armour
will disintegrate into dust and I have no idea what I’ll be left with if that
happens.
All I can do to combat those worries is to use my optimism
to push those thoughts aside. As always, I try to see the bright side, believing
if there is a bright side to be found, then I’m not surrounded by the dark. I
choose to celebrate the fact my period arrived and the fact it means my cycle
is FINALLY returning to normal. I’m motivated by the fact this will be our
first cycle on the fertility
program so here’s hoping all the pill popping over the past few weeks will
pay off. Most importantly, I take it as
a signal of hope – I’m given another chance to create a life and as long as I
have another chance, my dream can still become a reality!
Image by Master isolated images
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net
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