Friday, 4 January 2013

An important lesson to learn

I learnt an important lesson today - don't go to the post-Christmas sales when you're feeling tiered and emotional! I know I've written about seeing babies everywhere before, but it's an entirely different scenario when you're still grieving over the loss of a baby!

Everyone was out hitting the sales - pregnant women waddling, fathers playing peek-a-boo with a littlie in a pram, Mum's pushing prams dragging children along and familes sitting down sharing lunch. Everywhere I turned, they there were!

I was surprised at how many pregnant women and newborns there were. I estimated that alot of the pregnant women where around where I would have been - about 20 weeks, and others were clearly much further ahead. For me, all it was was one big reminder that I am not pregnant.

I think this was the first time since the miscarriage where I had been surrounded by so many pregnant women, and babies, all in one place. It was tough but I stuck it out. I kept saying to myself "Breathe Fiona, breathe." I made it through!

On the whole, I was pretty good. Clearly this was just another moment, another trigger, where I would be tested to see how far I've come. I think I scored pretty high marks! No doubt I was impacted by it, but my positive self-talk and drive for some sale bargains pushed me through!

To be honest, the saddest moment was when I was pushing my trolley to the car. I looked down at my bounty and saw a food processor, iron and pillow instead of a cot, pram and baby carrier. It suddenly dawned on me that we had planned to buy alot of things for the baby in the sales but now it was just things for us. As tears welled up in my eyes, I said to myself, "Don't worry sweetheart, perhaps you're meant to get the baby deals at the end of financial year sales in 6 months time." This bought a smile to my face and some hope into my heart as I drove home.

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