Friday, 18 January 2013

Sole salvation

Yes, this a picture of my sneakers - and my legs for that matter! I realise this is a strange photo to post, but I credit my recent positivity and good frame of mind to these shoes. I believe these soles have provided me salvation!

When I think of salvation, I think of a preacher standing in front of his congregation, trying to heal them. And indeed, I am in need of healing! So I've used these shoes to provide me with salvation through exercise. 

I’ve lived in my current house for a year but only just discovered my local bike track so have started walking and riding along it. It winds through the bush, has a creek running along side it and is shaded by huge pine and eucalyptus trees. It’s beautiful!

I love walking along it at sunset when the sun scatters different light among the trees, the water reflects the lush plant life around it and the birds are all chirping. I love seeing the families, children and adults walking, cycling or scooting their way along. Not to mention the dogs that jump through the hurdles in the dog park. It’s become my happy place!

I spent the first 3.5 months following my miscarriage medicating myself with food and wine. The consumption of these was nothing more than a crutch – emotional consumption pure and simple. I needed it at the time to help numb the pain I felt. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time doing it, but it took its toll by adding to my pain and my waistline! When I stepped on the scales and realised I had put on 4 kgs since the miscarriage I knew it was time to change.

Everyone reaches this stage in their own time. I think I had numbed myself enough and was finally ready to move on. So I ditched the alcohol and chocolate and am now concentrating on fuelling my body with healthy and nutritious meals. I am using my walking and cycling as my coping mechanism now which is far more positive and healthy. In my first week of new healthy living I have lost .5 kg and feel motivated to continue. But most importantly, I feel I am doing everything I need to do to get my body back into shape to aid conception and provide a happy and healthy home to a baby for 9 months.

I do believe that finding your happy place plays a large role in falling pregnant. Spending time along this track brings me calmness, contentment and clarity. It gives me the opportunity to pound out the stress of the day and time to think. It helps rid my thoughts of the pain, fear, confusion and desperation that can sometimes creep up on me during the day. This in turn creates the positivity I feel.

I lost my baby nearly 4 months ago now and for the first time since then, I feel I can truly inhale rather than just breathing to get by. I fill my lungs with crisp air, away from the city noise, traffic and smog, and feel it coursing through my veins. I feel energised, positive and alive. But what I’m most thankful for is it makes me feel strong enough and ready to give pregnancy another crack!

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