How far are we prepared to go to reach our dreams?

I came across this woman's amazing story of determination on my forum over the weekend. Basically, she had one child, 8 miscarriages, another child, 2 miscarriages and is now pregnant with her 13th pregnancy. It made me wonder, how much are we prepared to put ourselves through to achieve our dreams?

It broke my heart to read her story and how she feels like a failure. Everyone's responses told her the opposite - how much courage she had, what an inspiration she was, how we all wished we were as brave as her. I must admit, my first response was "She's so lucky she can fall pregnant so easily," but then I remembered, that's no luck at all. I remember people telling me that after my miscarriage and during my initial grief, I wanted to yell back "I'd rather not fall pregnant if I don't get to keep the baby!" It's no consolation at all.

I think the fact she has gone through so much, and still bought two children into the world is miraculous. Every pregnancy must be filled with such anxiety and dread for her and that's enormously sad. It got me thinking though, could I do the same? Could I put myself through that physical, emotional and spiritual upheaval so many times? I don't know. I spoke to my husband about it and we both agreed you don't know what your threshold is until you get there. I realised I have no idea when enough would be enough. I figure I'll now that when I'm there.

I had this story muddling about in my mind last night when I went out to dinner. My friend had her 5 month old there - a beautiful, blue-eyed bundle of smiles, giggles, excitement and happiness. When it was finally my time to giver her a cuddle she jumped up and down, had a bit of chat and gave me some beautiful smiles. She then hit her threshold and started rubbing her eyes - it was clearly bed time! 

As tiredness started to kick in, she snuggled up into my chest. As I looked down at this gorgeous little creature cuddling up to me, I had to hold back the tears. I swear in that moment I could hear my heart scream out with the yearning and pain it held. However, while part of my heart cried, another part swelled with love and happiness. Then, when she looked up at me and smiled, another part melted. It was alot of emotion for one organ to deal with all in the space of a minute!

On the way home, I looked down at my brand new dress and saw baby slobber where she had been snuggling. I said to my husband "You know you're ready to be a mother when you have baby slobber on your brand new dress and you don't care." For the rest of the way home, I looked at the slobber marks remembering the beauty that had created them. In that moment, I realised I will go as far as is needed to make my dream come true. No doubt, I will reach my threshold, but I'm hoping my threshold will be on how many children to have, not how many I have to keep loosing!  

Image by mack2happy
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net