Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Flying solo

This is Sticky's and mine first week together. My husband has gone back to work and now it's just us girls. I hate to say it but 3 days in I'm bored out of my brains desperately willing Sticky to grow quickly so she can entertain me!
I'm sure this boredom I'm feeling is the culmination of being home for 4 months now. I feel 
Iike my brain is slowly leaking intelligence every day. I crave adult conversation and company and it's only been 3 days. This could be a very long year!

I feel like my life is a Groundhog Day. At work, I was the go-to-person, the one who had the answers to all the problems. Today, I cleaned up after my husband, dusted, put on and emptied the dishwasher and emptied the nappy bin. It's not quite the same thing.

Sticky is still trying to find consistency which makes things difficult because I never know when she is going to wake up. Yesterday, she had several short naps, lasting no more than 45 minutes to an hour. Today, she slept for 2.5 hours in the morning and 3 hours at lunch time. She went to sleep at 6:30pm which is the first time in days we've got her down before 8pm. I just never know what she's going to do.

Many friends have told me this is totally normal. I know it won't be long before she's sleeping less, engaging more and needs a lot more of my time and attention. I know I should appreciate these long stretches of sleep while I have them, and I do. But I feel like a couch potato as all I do is sit and watch tv or do chores while she sleeps.

I'm still trying to adapt to the changes I need to make now I have her. I told my husband I can't do things like ducking into the shops. I was going to go to the shops today but it seemed too hard so I didn't bother. He reminded me I can do these things, just not as easily and I guess that's the point. Things seem harder and they are.

I guess I am still adapting to the daily changes my life presents now. In the meantime, I'm organising to see friends and thinking of things we can do to get out of the house. I know sitting here is no good for my depression so I need to suck it up and force myself out. I so love being with her when she's awake and want to make the most of those moments. 

No doubt my mortal enemy impatience is rearing its head but I'm going to fight him once again. I don't want my little munchkin to grow up too quickly just because Mum is bored. I want her to take her time and let her life unfold as it's meant to. Her life is so not about me!

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