Monday, 14 May 2012

Any which way we can

I found out today that an acquaintance will have a baby in a few months – through a surrogate mother. Now, this woman and her husband have been trying to have a baby for nearly 10 years. They have literally tried every method known to man and no luck. You can understand that if something was wrong – sorry but your ovaries don’t produce eggs, or sorry, you’re sperm count is too low. But no, there was no reason why they couldn’t fall pregnant, they just couldn’t.

The perseverance she has shown on her quest to become a mother astounds me. What better example of the adage “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” do you want? This is a woman that was not prepared to let anything stand in her way. Now granted, she’s lucky she’s had the money to try IVF several times, and now of course, to go down the surrogate path. Many of us simply don’t. But I am so impressed that she has refused to take it sitting down. That my friends, is someone who is prepared to stand in the face of fate and say god damn it, I will make it happen!

It makes me question though, how far are we prepared to go for our dreams? A lot of times, other factors come into play. The money runs out, the stress on the body is too much, the stress on the relationship takes its toll, the constant hope runs dry. Or, at the very worse, age simply defies us! 

I’m not sure if I could do it myself. I’ve seen too many of those stupid American tv shows where the surrogate turns around at the last minute and either doesn’t give the baby up or comes back later trying to claim it. And whooshka – your heart is ripped out of your chest. I hope and pray this doesn’t happen to them! 

My husband and I haven’t talked about what other options we’ll look at if we don’t fall pregnant naturally. Most fertility specialists don’t even think about talking to you unless you’ve been trying for a year. But alas, time is not on my side. I don’t have a year to waste if it doesn’t work. If that should be the case, I’ll be chasing down the first fertility specialist I find and we’ll at least give it a crack.

When I think of the other options – egg donors, sperm donors, adoption, foster care and of course surrogate, it all just seems so overwhelming. And expensive! And draining!
But if I’m brutally honest, it really makes me hope and pray to the powers that be that it happens the good old fashioned way, and quickly. Should that be the case, I will always know and appreciate how truly lucky we are and will be enormously thankful and grateful everyday. Even when the child is being a nightmare and I want to leave it in a forest somewhere - my love and gratitude will make sure I always bring them home, hug them and send them off to bed with a kiss!

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