The big IF

In all the time my husband and I have been talking about having kids, I’ve been pessimistic about the prospect. Even talking to other people, I also couch any discussion about babies with “…if we are lucky to have them.” The big IF rears it’s ugly head.

I suddenly started thinking this was a very pessimistic view to the baby challenge. Although, I often swing between thinking is it pessimistic or realistic? I say it as to not get myself, my husband or who we’re having the conversation with too excited. It’s really all about managing expectations. But it’s not my normal view on life.

My life would be so much simpler if I could be a pessimist. I would never have expectations and I would never be disappointed when my expectations don’t come to fruition. But try as I might, that approach to life has never worked for me.

Even all the years I was single, there was always a part of me that continued to try to meet someone. I was always proactive in terms of dating and putting myself out on a ledge to meet someone. So why can’t I take the same approach to this?

Somehow, the disappointment seems greater if I don’t have a baby than if I didn’t meet someone. I’m sure the disappointment would have been just as great if I had not have been lucky enough to meet my husband.

I seem to be in an internal struggle between the power of positive thinking, believing the universe will bring me everything I want and hard, cold, reality.

I just saw on the news that 1 in 6 couples now require assisted pregnancy services. That’s a pretty high number. That’s the reality of the situation. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that maybe, just maybe, the universe has bought me everything I ever wanted because I never stopped working to make it all happen.

Ahh, hello light bulb moment! Right, new approach to this caper. From this day on, I will replace the IF with a WHEN and believe it in with all my heart!