Friday, 23 November 2012

Me 2.0

I finally feel back to what sense of my normal self I have left. Of course, it’s not really my normal self - I could never be that person ever again. It’s a new normal - Me 2.0. 2.0 is the latest language to represent a new version of something. Essentially, it’s the same as upgrading from an Iphone 4 to an Iphone 5.
I think the mistake a lot of people make when something significant happens to them is thinking life will go back to being the same. Normally, these things are so severe that they leave an enduring impression on us that we can never erase. Essentially, we are changed for ever. Upgraded if you will!
Upgrades are made to make improvements. To make something work faster, easier and simpler.  To give it more functionality. To make it do different things.
 I’m not sure I’m faster. I’m definitely not easier and life certainly isn’t simpler. However, I do believe I have more functionality and I do think and feel different things.
As with anything in life, our perception of things dictates our experience. So, nearly 7 weeks on, I have enough space from the miscarriage to really sit down and take a good look at myself. If I was to market myself, I would say my upgrades are:
·         more confidence in myself to handle the curve balls life throws at me
·         improved love for myself – treating myself more gently and being kind to myself
·         self-appreciation for simply surviving
·         realising the things that really matter in life
·         gaining perspective on my world and how I function in it
·         increased appreciation for my loved ones
·         a new understanding of who I can really count on – and more importantly, who I can’t
·         knowing my husband and I are a strong team who will survive anything.
Of course, as part of an upgrade, there are bugs that need to be worked out. It’s not often that an upgrade is made smoothly. So I view my upgrade as a phased approach. I’m not sure it will ever be complete, but I feel I’m nearing the top. I know there will be times when I slip back a bit. I expect that and I know I have the tools now to be able to cope with it, so I’m not scared by it.
Essentially, I’ve just accepted what happened. I accept that I had no control over it. I accept that there is no one to blame. I accept that I did nothing wrong. I accept there is no reason for it. I accept that these things just happen. I accept that whatever happens, my life will be fabulous! As a result, I feel happy, calm and peaceful.
It’s been a hard slog to get to this place. But, I’m thankful it’s only taken me 7 weeks when I know some women just never accept it, or they get so tied up in anger, bitterness and jealousy they can never see their way out of it. Now, I am sitting back and patiently waiting. I’m looking forward to the new challenges life will bring me and seeing what new and improved ways Me 2.0 will serve me!   

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