Friday, 18 October 2013

Fabulous Friday

Happy Fabulous Friday all. What's fabulous about today is what's meant to be one of the simplest and purest things in the world - a woman I know had a baby!

This isn't just any woman, and it's not just any baby. This is my friend who had the stillborn baby last year. Finally, after all her heartache, her rainbow baby has arrived beautifully and safely. However, the date of her arrival is intriguing - she was born a year to the day my friend laid her first daughter to rest.

It makes me wonder how you process events like that. How do you cope with one day that presented you the greatest pain and greatest joy in your life? But, as my counsellor said, it's all about how you interpret it and the meaning you give it. I hope it gives her great meaning and allows her to move on from her grief.

I've taken great meaning and inspiration from it. If she can suffer such pain and survive her pregnancy to give birth, then so can I. It also makes me realise that we have no control over these things. We are merely along for the ride.

I needed to learn that today as my father told me my most beloved grandmother only has a few months to live. She's 90 so she's had a good bat, but we all thought we had a few years left with her. Sadly, that won't be the case.

When the doctor told her, she said "I still have so many things to do." When the doctor asked her what some of those things were, the first thing she said was "Hold my great granddaughter." We had all been joking over the last few months that Sticky's arrival had given my grandmother a new lease on life. Now, it's never been so important.

So we have no guarantees. "A few months" could be anything really but all any of us now care about is her being here in time to see her greatest wish come true. I'm half tempted to see if Dr T will let me have Sticky earlier but I'm not going to do anything to risk her health. At the very least, I'll be telling him it has to be at the start of week 38 because my grandmother can't die without meeting her.

In all honesty, my grandmother has always been a pretty determined woman. I'm sure she's got a list in her head, telling herself she'll be happy to go once all of it has been done. She'll hang on with every fibre of her being to meet Sticky, of that I have no doubt. In the meantime, I have to prepare myself for the fact that I may only get one photo of her holding Sticky. If that's the case, I will appreciate the fact that we have one and my grandmother can leave this world knowing her every last wish was achieved.  In the end, that's all any of us can hope for! 

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