Throwing caution to the wind

This week one of my closet friends told me she was pregnant. It's funny how one piece of good news can raise you out of your slump!

I am so excited and happy for her. Like so many of my friends, she's been on her journey trying to fall pregnant and on my list of those I've been praying to the baby gods for. Knowing her journey has now begun fills my heart with enormous joy.

Not only am I happy for her, but I'm happy for me to have someone to share this adventure with. And as one of my greatest supporters, I'm particularly glad it's her I get to share it with. I hope I can be as supportive to her on her journey as she's been on mine. In the end, that's what friends are for!

One of the things I'm most happy about is seeing her so excited and embracing her pregnancy. It's taken me 27 weeks to feel like that. I wish it hadn’t so my greatest hope for her is she keeps that excitement throughout her whole pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with Peanut, people warned me to be cautious - to not engage with the pregnancy until I reached 12 weeks. I made the mistake of listening to them and now I realise I made the same mistake in this pregnancy.

Being cautious is nothing more than living your life in fear. Being cautious didn't stop me loosing Peanut and it didn't make it hurt any less. All it did was fill my experience with anxiety and pain.  I realise now that being pregnant is something to be celebrated and enjoyed every moment you have it. Fear should never enter your mind because the love and joy you have for the growing life inside of you should be so strong it acts as a force field against it.

My greatest regret in this pregnancy is letting the fear I wasn't strong enough to face impact me so much. That fear was I couldn’t cope with loosing another baby. I wish I had of been strong enough to not worry about it. I wish I trusted that whatever happened I would be ok. I wish I knew what I know now – when I stare into my greatest fears, I see my future.

Alas, pregnancy is too short for regrets so all I can do is leave my previous thoughts behind and help others by paying it forward. I will tell others to throw themselves into their pregnancy. To go out and buy whatever they want. To tell people whenever they want to. To start talking to the baby. To be happy and celebrate their motherhood. To enjoy the freedom and happiness that comes from not living your life in fear.

And should any fears rear their ugly head, I will simply tell them that whatever happens they will be ok and I'm there to hold their hand whenever they need it. I think that's far more productive than being cautious!