Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Celebrating happiness

I suddenly realised today that I feel really happy. My body feels light, not weighed down by all the fears and anxiety I've been carrying for so long. The sad thing is, I can't remember when I last felt happy.

Happiness is such a foreign concept to me. I know I've had moments of happiness, but they seem like fleeting glimpses rather than prolonged days. It feels like the past few months have been filled with the tears of depression rather than the smiles of excitement. I'm glad the veil seems to be lifting.

There is so much happening to be grateful for and to celebrate. I found out a close friend is pregnant after suffering her own losses and that fills me with enormous joy. I have been praying particularly hard to the Baby Gods for her and I'm so glad her dream is being realised. I am also celebrating the enormous love and support I have around me and am truly touched each time someone calls to see how I am, asks to catch up with me, presents me with a gift or just says a friendly word. I am truly focused on celebrating the small things in life. Just like this cup of coffee I was presented with a while ago. How could you not look at it and smile!

Even today, as I trudged from child care centre to centre, I felt happy. I saw some lovely centres, met lovely people and felt reassured that Sticky would be well looked after in any of them. It's so hard to think about leaving your child somewhere so feeling comfortable is really important.

My other achievement for today is I started to pack my hospital bag. It's in the nursery with things I can pack now and I've stuck a list to the wall with all the things my husband will need to pack if we end up in an emergency. So again, I'm happy to feel like I'm getting organized.

But, perhaps what I'm most happy about it, is feeling Sticky kick and wriggle around. It's funny but she seems to be expressing her personality more and more every day as she gets stronger. I think I've got a cheeky monkey on my hands, and while I'm a little nervous about that, I love the fact my daughter has spunk. Just like her Mum!

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