Monday, 25 November 2013

Information overload

On Saturday we had our last baby class which was with the Australian Breastfeeding Association. It was meant to be 4 hours on the joys of breastfeeding. I lasted 3!

Don't get me wrong, the course was informative and valuable. It went through different ways to hold the baby to feed, how to ensure you get good attachment and ways to calm the baby down before you start feeding. I thought they just started screaming and you threw them on the boob but that's not the case. There are signs to look for that they are hungry and it's best to feed them then, rather than letting them get to the screaming stage. A woman then came in and gave us a demonstration on how to feed which allowed us to ask questions.

As I said, it was good but at the 3 hour mark I was done. The room was stuffy and I started to feel faint. My energy levels were plummeting as it was 3pm and I've learnt this is my downtime and I need to be home. I also felt like it was just too much. I had sat through 9 hours of baby classes in the space of 3 Saturdays and my head felt like it was going to explode. I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted that the inevitable happened - my husband and I had a squabble and I burst into tears.

In that moment, it all just seemed too much and I got my dramatics on. My husband and I had sorted out the squabble so it was really just about exhaustion and a build up of anxiety and emotion. I told him I had no idea what fires from hell were about to rain down upon us. Even I can't believe I said that, but when your brain is just too full of fear and apprehension, I guess that's what comes out.

Of course I don't mean it, but in that moment the fear was kicking excitement in the butt. There was so much in my head swirling around that it started to impact my confidence. All the what ifs rushed in - what if I don't feed her right, what if I don't hold her right, what if I can't calm her down, what if I swaddle her too hard and she needs a hip replacement, etc. etc. As I said, the dramatics were on!

Eventually I calmed down and could see sense. We are just like any other new parents - walking in totally blind. We will need to figure things out and learn as we go. We will no doubt make mistakes but we will learn from them. As long as we treat our daughter with love, I'm sure we won't create any long-term damage or have to pay for years of therapy! It is simply one of those situations that we will just have to figure it out when we get there.

In the meantime, I'm back to relevant calm with excitement back in rule. Mind you, I just did a tour of the nursery and realised we'll need to change the furniture around but that's a minor thing. I was also proactive over the weekend and washed more toys, cleaned down the shelves and started sorting things out. Once the furniture is sorted out, I'll finish the rest. 

As I sit here and type this, Sticky is letting me know that it's time to sit down for a bit and have some afternoon tea. I realise that she communicates with me all the time to let me know what she needs. I trust she'll continue to do that once she's out and it's up to me to learn her language so I can understand it. I don't have to worry about the what ifs because Sticky will let me know if I'm doing it right. I figure if I can learn Italian, German and French, Stickyan should be a breeze! 

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