Wednesday, 26 March 2014

A test of strength

Last night was one of those times where everything happens at once. In my previous life, I would have sat down and drank a bottle of wine after it all passed. Now, there is no choice but to man up and carry on.
My husband was giving Sticky her bottle and I was cooking dinner. I thought it would be a good time to call my parents to get an update on my Grandmother who was admitted to hospital yesterday. I thought it would be a quick and easy phone call.

My Mother inadvertently told me my Grandmother only has 1 to 3 months to live following her cancer diagnosis at the end of last year. She thought my father had already told me - he hadn't. We knew this time was coming and we knew it would hit fast, we just couldn't prepare for it actually happening. 

While I was on the phone asking questions, my husband came to tell me Sticky had a pooey nappy. I looked at him dumbfounded and asked him to change it. He told me he was going to but I was annoyed - why didn't he just go and do it? Why did I need to know? 

I was still on the phone when he called out to ask if we had a mat that we use for the big nappies. I told him no and to just take the cover off the change pad. He then called out to say it was a bad idea and poo had gone everywhere.

For god sake. It was just a pooey nappy. I manage them on a daily basis so what was the big deal? He was struggling so I had to hang up and go and sort it out. I was reeling from the news, frustrated my husband couldn't just sort it out and desperately trying to keep it all together. 

My husband didn't know what my parents had told me and didn't say anything when I told him. It wasn't until I asked if he had heard me tell him that he asked if I was ok. I didn't know.

Just to add to the stress, Sticky had a very unsettled night. I put her in a sleeping bag because her swaddle bag isn't warm enough for her given she now rolls out of her blanket. It has a hole down the bottom of it that lets you connect a car seat or pram harness through it. She managed to get her foot through it so it wasn't going to work.

Plan B was a warmer onesie and luckily I had one that seemed to fit. The problem is, she's between sizes so needs ooo for length but oooo for width. And some ooo with feet in them make the legs too short and she can't extend her legs. I realised we'll need another trip to the shops for more clothes. 

So, while I didn't drink a bottle of wine, I did have a glass. Sometimes, when multiple things hit you like that, it's just what you need to do. It was a stark reminder to me that no matter what else happens in the rest of my life, I have a little person that relies on me. I no longer have the ability to fall apart, let illness keep me in bed or just climb under the doona for the day. And, when others are struggling, I need to step in to make sure she's ok. Sticky and her well being has to be my greatest priority. I have no problems making it top of my list. 

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