Thursday, 12 September 2013

A lesson in pregnancy from Beyonce

Last night while channel surfing, I happened across a documentary on Beyonce. The first words I heard was “…after the pain of suffering my miscarriage” so I thought I’d better watch.

You may remember that I shared how inspired I was by Beyonce’s experience so I think that’s why I took particular interest in her story. I came in as she was showing her belly at 20 weeks – exactly where I am. She had reached the stage where she realised she would have to tell the world about her pregnancy. I guess like all of us, she was worried something would go wrong. In the end, she decided to do it in style – you may remember her revealing it after her performance at the MTV awards. Tears welled up when I watched that moment.

One of the most poignant things she said was “There's no drum roll or trumpet that goes off when you make the biggest decision of your life. Sometimes you don't even know you’ve made it.” I thought about that in a few ways. The first time we decided to be brave enough and try to fall pregnant again was a big decision. I guess I didn’t realise how big it was as I had no idea what my pregnancy experience would bring me, or the challenges it would pose. But, I think the moment I conceived Sticky was truly the moment I decided to have a baby. For some reason, it was that moment that my body and heart was truly ready to start again.

One of the last scenes is her holding the baby swaying back and forth. The look on her face is total contentment and joy. She looked so happy she could burst. She was happy for the simplest of all reasons - she was holding her daughter. The purity and simplicity of that moment was tangible but it hid the fact that the journey to that moment was anything but simple. But, you could also tell that in that moment, she felt no pain. She felt no trauma. She felt no regret. She only felt love and total gratitude that the moment had finally come. I can't wait to have that moment.

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