Friday, 27 September 2013

Fabulous Friday

Happy Fabulous Friday all. I hope you’ve all had a good week. What’s fabulous about today is cleaners, breast feeding chairs and major milestones. To have all on the same day makes this the most fabulous Fabulous Friday I’ve had in some time!

Yes – I’ve finally entered middle class and got cleaners. I no longer have the energy to do it and trying to vacuum and mop with a bad back and burgeoning belly is not a good idea. I can also no longer stand my husband’s “humph” when I ask him to do it. Life is simply just too short.
It was an agonising process to find a cleaner. I had to email 5 to get 2 to respond and then it was a process of elimination based on price. That wasn’t hard because one was 3 times as expensive as the other! My only concern is will they clean to my standards but I realise I might have to let my standards slide a bit. As long as I walk into a house that is vacuumed, mopped and has a clean bathroom, my day will indeed be fabulous!

In other, more exciting news, my breast feeding chair has arrived! It was meant to take 3 to 4 weeks but only took 2. I am so over the moon about this because I still have about 9 weeks to wait until our new couch turns up and my back continues to protest. It doesn’t help that I’ve started doing a cross stitch for Sticky and need more back support. So the timing is perfect! I’m hoping that having a more comfortable and supportive place to sit will help to reduce some of the back pain I’ve been having too!

Finally, yesterday marked a major milestone for me. I caught up with my friend who was pregnant at the same time I was with Peanut, and had her daughter the same time Peanut was due. I know a few women who all had babies around that time and I had only seen one of them up until yesterday. That was about 2 months ago and I couldn’t go near the baby. I looked at it, commented on how cute he was and promptly left the show and tell. I simply could not engage anymore than that.

So yesterday, I wasn’t sure how I would respond to the baby but I did marvellously well. I held her, looked deeply into her eyes and only briefly thought “So this is how big Peanut would be now.” I didn’t really have any emotional response to that thought - it was simply a thought that came and went.

It wasn’t until this morning that I started processing the event. It hit me that I really didn’t have any emotional response at all. It was lovely to finally meet her and I could celebrate in my friend’s joy of her little beauty which I was thankful for. I actually didn’t feel any pangs for Peanut or a sense of loss. I realise I have finally reached the stage where I truly accept his loss. It’s not like I’m not impacted by it because my miscarriage impacts my pregnancy experience, but I can separate Peanut from that.

I was enormously glad to realise that and have it affirmed by the experience. It’s not like I had been counting down the days until I had “got over it” because I still feel I never will. But, I always hoped I would reach a stage of acceptance and I’m glad I reached that point. And it came just in time as we’re doing a tour of the maternity suite tomorrow so I can go to that and be focussed on Sticky. I’m celebrating these things and also leaving them behind. I think I need to because now I am facing another challenge of trying to figure out the other emotional roller coasters I’m currently on. Right now, I simply don’t have the words to express the goobly gook in my head. I’ll try to figure it out by Monday!
Have a great weekend all!

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