Tuesday, 14 January 2014

A few doses of reality

Today has been one of those days that I've been reminded several times I'm about to have a baby. It's not like I had forgotten, but reality has kicked in.

I had my last appointment with Dr.T this morning. Everything is set and ready to go. I had to sign the last two consent forms and he went over the cesear info with me again. One of the forms I had to sign was acknowledgment that I had been informed of the risks. These include the potential for a blood transfusion, having to cut through the bladder and a hysterectomy. A hysterectomy is worse case scenario in case I loose too much blood but still, it was a bit shocking to hear it. But I guess all of these things are potential in natural birth too. If there are any problems, I'm happy for them to do whatever they need to to make sure Sticky and I are both fine.

I told him about all the movements I felt over the weekend and he confirmed she had engaged. He could feel her head had entered my pelvis and was about 2/5 engaged. He said she was in the perfect position for a natural labour and I would have gone into labour in about 7 to 10 days. So it was interesting to know he could tell that and that she would have likely come a few days before my due date.

At the end of the appointment he said "See you Monday." That jolted me. For some reason I still have moments when I don't realise I'm having this baby on Monday. Luckily I still have a few days to get my head around it!

I was planning on going to the movies but Dr. T. was running late so I did my shopping instead. I decided to but myself a new pair of earrings as a baby present so I checked out the jewellery shops until I found the right pair. The girl who served me asked if they were for myself and I said they were a baby present. She said "you must be getting over it." I've had that comment a lot in the past week when I tell people the baby is coming on Monday. 

People think it's just the 9 months you're over and to a degree it is. I feel like I've been pregnant forever! But, my journey has not just been the past 9 months. From the moment we started trying for a baby, to the time we will bring one into the world, it's been 1.5 years. That's a long time to be working towards achieving something and seems even longer when your journey has been filled with so much heartache, pain and challenges. But, like any journey that's worth taking, it's about over coming all of that so Monday will be the completion of that journey and the realization of my happy ending. I find the prospect of that enormously over whelming.

And on top of all of that, I've realised the prospect of breast feeding is not going to be as easy as I hoped it would be. My goal of expressing colostrum to take to hospital has been squashed. I've had two attempts and no luck. I know it can take a while to get things going so I'm not too disappointed by it, but I realised that trying to do it by watching a few You Tube videos probably wasn't the best idea. I ended up with sore breasts on both occasions and didn't want to risk bruising them or damaging them before I really need them. I figure its best to just wait until I get to hospital and have someone there to show me the proper way to do it. So I've packed my pump and will go to the lactation classes so I can have the support I need. If Sticky needs formula before my milk comes in so be it. I have faith that we'll figure it all out together! 

So, after all of that, I'm feeling rather exhausted. Waking up at 5am didn't help so clearly, it's just going to be one of those days. But, after being out for 4 hours this morning, I'm now going to sit and relax for the rest of the day. I might make it to the movies tomorrow - we'll see how I'm traveling. For now, the couch is my friend! 

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