Thursday, 16 January 2014

The finishing touches

With 4 days to go, it's time for the finishing touches. Not just in preparing for Sticky's arrival, but in saying goodbye to my former self.

Last night I set up the baby monitor in our room. Sticky will spend the first few months sleeping in a bassinette in our room before she graduates to the cot. My husband and I had great fun testing it out although we probably aren't meant to use it like a walkie talkie but given its got a talk function on it, I figured practicing won't hurt! I'm sure there will be times when I'm feeding and I need him to bring me something so I think that function will come in handy!

After being worried my breathing sensor mats wouldn't turn up on time, they arrived this morning. However, they can't be used with the bassinette as there is no way to hook the monitor onto the pads. I'm a bit disappointed but I guess it's the universe's way of telling me not to worry. It will be about 5 months before Sticky moves into her cot which is when I can use them and I might be over it by then. Oh well, we'll see what happens. In the meantime, my $200 investment will sit in the box.

I finally managed to get myself to the movies today. After sitting in front of the tv yesterday, I was thinking I really should make the most of my last few days alone. Mind you, I was making the most of it just sitting too, but I did want to get one last movie in so saw Saving Mr Banks. As I thought about Mary Poppins and all the other movies I loved as a kid, I got excited about sharing them with Sticky. But, as I came out of the cinema, I felt anxious and nauseous. I was suddenly overcome with nerves.

Up til now, I had been dealing with this week pretty well. I hadn't thought about Monday too much during the days and had only had 2 mini little meltdowns at night which resulted in tears. These events were nothing more than processing anxiety so they were no big deals. Today it feels different although I knew it would hit me at some stage the closer we got.

As I came out of the cinema, there was a text on my phone from a friend with 3 kids that said Do me a favour and make the most of these last few days of being able to go to the toilet by yourself. She's mentioned this a few times to me so I guess it's something she misses from her previous life. And that's when I realised I need to be prepared to say goodbye to my previous life.

It's not like I think all the elements of my previous life will be lost and gone forever, but there are parts that will never be the same because I'm about to become a Mum. Of course, I don't yet know what all those bits will be, but I have a fair idea of some. I was only thinking this morning this weekend will be the last 2 days we get to sleep in for a few years so here's hoping we can make the most of it. I guess it's just the little things I've taken for granted all these years.

I know on one hand, life is about to throw me a whole new set of challenges which will be difficult to cope with. But, on the other, it's also about to throw me more joy, happiness and love then I've ever experienced too. So, like any experience really, there's the ying and yang of the good and bad. I'm choosing to hold onto the good and be prepared to deal with the bad.

I expect the nerves and anxiety to increase over the next few days. I plan on handling it by simply reminding myself to breathe and telling myself everything will be ok. God knows 
I'll need to do that a million times over the next several years. In the meantime, I came across this great song this week so everytime I feel the anxiety starting to take over, I listen to it, remind myself how long I have fought for this moment, and remember this little girl coming into the world is what happiness is to me! Enjoy!

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