Changing directions

I am officially changing directions. Turning my compass north to see if it helps me reach my destination.

So, the big decision I’ve made is to stop the homeopathic fertility program. I’ll finish the remedies I still have but I won’t see the homeopath again. I’ve made this decision for a few reasons – the cost is starting to mount up and I need to put that towards starting IUI, it has an 87% success rate within 4 cycles and not much after that (I’ve done the 4 cycles), and the constant dedication to taking the exact pills at the exact time has become too much. Actually, it stresses me out more than anything else.

The new approach I’m taking is fertility acupuncture which I start tomorrow. I know acupuncture will be more expensive than the remedies, but it serves a dual purpose – it helps with fertility and will hopefully help manage my anxiety. I’ve been feeling anxious for about 6 weeks now. I have this constant knot in my chest and breathlessness. I spoke to the counsellor about it and she gave me some tips to cope with it but it’s just not working. I need another way to try and calm myself down.

In terms of IUI, I’ll need to have it before the procedure, after the procedure and regularly in between cycles. I managed to get an appointment with a woman that several women raved about and contribute their resulting babies to her magic. I’m not sure I’m that convinced she has magic powers but I’m willing to give it a shot.

My husband thinks it’s a load of mumbo jumbo but when I explained to him the effect my anxiety was having on me, he agreed it was worth trying. I think it’s related to all the ongoing stress in my life lately and I’m hoping our holiday next week might help to reduce it a bit. It doesn’t help that I’m coming to the end of my two week wait and there’s a voice in my head saying you’re pregnant this month and another voice telling it to shut up.

I’m trying to stay calm and patient and just see out the next few days. This time in my cycle always creates these emotions because I’m excited, nervous and of course anxious about whether it’s worked or not. I know getting myself worked up doesn’t help but it’s all a little easier said then done. In the meantime, here’s hoping my appointment tomorrow sees me returned to a Zen state! 

Image by nirots

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