Monday, 5 August 2013

15 weeks - the art of surrender

15 weeks – To celebrate the first day of my new week, my old friend nausea visited me today. It only lasted for about an hour this morning, but it was enough to make me slump and think here we go again. That thought only lasted a brief second until I remembered a post my friend put on Facebook over the weekend. It was all about surrender, and upon reading it, I realised that’s what I need to do.

My weekend did not get off to the best start. I didn’t get out of work until late on Friday night so it was 7pm by the time I got back to my car. I called for my Friday night pizza but it was going to be an hour wait. Telling a pregnant, starving woman to wait an hour for food is like waving a red flag at a bull – just not a good idea. I panicked and decided MacDonald’s was the closest option. Of course it was packed and I had to wait in line. By the time I got home I slumped into the dining room chair and mindlessly shoved chips into my mouth.

My husband could tell I wasn’t in a good state. I was exhausted, hormonal and emotional. But, I managed to keep my emotional intelligence in tact long enough to tell him I needed more help around the house and he would need to take on cleaning duties for the weekend. Luckily for him, he agreed. I finished my disgusting dinner, got in the shower, and burst into tears. For no other reason than it had been a very long and exhausting week.

Friday night was the first night I’d let my husband back in our bed after he’d been sick all week. I was happy to have him back but he kept rolling into me and flinging his arms into me. At one stage he hit my boob and I screamed in pain. It was all just too much.  

I decided the time had come to strap the boobies down. I went to Target and found a maternity light support bra. Actually, it’s more like a cotton sling than a bra but it’s designed for sleeping. I highly recommend this to any pregnant ladies out there who are having boob pains. I’ve worn it to bed the last 2 nights and it’s made a world of difference. No more pain! While I was at Target I also got some maternity jeans and these are super comfy too. For $40 they are a bargain!

So, Saturday afternoon came and the exhaustion hit. It wasn’t helped by the ongoing knee, groin, arm, back and boob pains I had. I felt beaten down by it all. Then I read my friend’s post. She was talking about surrendering to her little girl who had a cold. So instead of being frustrated she couldn’t do what she wanted, she realised she had to be where she was needed and that was cuddling her little one.

It made me realise that I was creating my own pain. I needed to surrender to the aches, pains and challenges pregnancy brings, instead of feeling frustrated by it. I read once “The universe does not struggle – only you do.” So why do we choose to struggle? Why do we choose to create frustration, anger and sadness? We choose how we respond to a situation and that in turn dictates our emotions. If I can choose frustration, I can just as easily choose peace. So now, I choose to repeat this quote - I will surrender to the moment today. 

I will surrender to the aches and pains knowing they are allowing Sticky to grow. I will surrender to the nausea knowing it will pass. I will surrender to the disrupted sleep knowing my body will get what it needs.  

As a perfectionist control freak, surrendering is hard for me. But in 6 months time, I’m going to have a screaming baby waking me up in the middle of night. I’m going to have a sick baby that will be grumpy and clingy. I will have aches in my back from lugging my baby around. I better get into the habit to surrendering to the moment now because God knows I’ll have alot more moments once Sticky arrives!  

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