Thursday, 14 February 2013

Lucky stars

I read today that Steve Martin has become a father for the first time at 67 – his wife is 41. As I have my moments of internal panic that we’re running out of time, stories like this remind me to calm  down because my fertility hour glass still has a little sand left!

In my teens, I believed I would be married with two kids by the time I was 30. When 30 came and there was no husband, and no children, I gave serious thought to the idea of a sperm donor. I figured I could do it all by myself! I didn’t follow that up as I thought, surely by the time I was 35, the husband and children would have arrived.

When 35 hit and there was still no husband, and no children, I slumped. I knew my biological clock was going forward, and my fertility clock was going backwards. There was only a small period of time where the dream was still possible.

Luckily for me, I met my husband 3 months before my 36th birthday. And, luckily for me, we knew we were destined to be together so were engaged and married within a year. This allowed us to make the most of the remaining sand.

I think my 15 year old self can’t believe I’m nearly 38 and there is still no children. In my younger years, I spent many hours picturing what my house, husband and children would be like. I spent many hours picturing what my life would be like. Funnily enough, it never included miscarriage, blood tests, internal probes or fertility programs!   

At 15, I viewed my future with the idealism and naivety such young years afford. Now I’m nearly 38, I view it with eyes that have seen reality, pain and failure. Mind you, those eyes have also seen hope, optimism and the achievement of dreams. Actually, I view my life with eyes that have lived my life.   

Maybe I’m just having one of those moments where you suddenly think “I never thought I’d end up here.” I’ve had many of those moments – some, because where I am is amazing, and some because where I am is horrible. But I’ve also learnt not to let myself be too boxed in my expectations.

I’m quite sure Steve Martin gave up on the idea of having children a long time ago. I’m sure when he was 15, he didn’t think he would be having his first child at 67 to a woman 26 years younger than him. I can imagine his 15 year old self is in a bit of shock right now. But I can also imagine his 67 year old self is thanking his lucky stars that he has ended up in a place he never thought he would be. Here’s hoping when I’m 67, I’m thanking my lucky stars too!   

Image by Rawich
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