Somewhere over the rainbow baby

Those of us who have lost a baby refer to our next baby as a “rainbow baby” - the beauty that comes after a storm.  As I walked home yesterday, this was the double rainbow that arched over our house. I thought the timing was perfect given I was off to meet the fertility specialist the next day!

You get one rainbow when light reflects once off the back of a raindrop. You get two rainbows when light reflects twice in a more complicated pattern. Interestingly though, the colours of the second rainbow are inverted, with blue on the outside and red on the inside – basically one is a mirror reflection of the other. I wondered if it was a sign I had twins coming my way!

As it turned out, the possibility of twins isn’t as far fetched as it may sound. When I first started this journey, I found out that the chances of twins increases over 35. My chances could increase even further as the doctor has suggested taking clomid as my first option. Clomid stimulates ovulation, meaning more than 1 egg can be released, meaning an increase in the possibility of multiple births. God help me, there could even be triplets!

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Our general discussion was about the miscarriage and what’s been happening since. He’s not really concerned about my ovarian cyst but wants me to get another scan at the start of my next cycle. He was happy with the results of my ovarian reserve test as it indicates I have a higher that average supply of eggs for my age so I’m not quite ready to be put out to pasture yet! He did tell me though that my eggs were now nearly 38 years old so I guess egg  years are like dog years!

Apparently I’m an easy patient – I’ve already had all the tests he normally sends people for and mine don’t indicate there are any problems. Well, the fact I was pregnant pretty much screams success too.  Again, the dreaded word “common” came up in relation to the miscarriage so yes, I get that  point!

He’s suggested that we try naturally for another few months then go onto clomid. Our next options would then be artificial insemination  then IVF. If I’m not pregnant in a few months, I have to go back to get my tubes checked and my husband has to have his sperm re-tested to make sure his swimmers are still swimming in the right direction!

The most interesting thing to come of out it though was suggesting one of us gets tested for cystic fibrosis. It’s the most common abnormality in babies and can create serious problems. Both of us would need to be carriers to have a baby with CF. However, on the off chance we were both carriers, we would have a 1 in 4 chance of our baby having it. The problem with CF is it isn’t dependent on family history and most adult carriers are perfectly normal and healthy people. So testing is the only way to know if you have it. The real blow is the test costs $250 just for one person to have. Given I’ve had to have so many blood tests, I think it might be my husband’s turn to get it done!

The doctor has given us all the forms we need, including a prescription for clomid. So it’s up to me as to if and when I choose to take it. Given I’m nearing the end of my 2 week wait, we don’t know if we need to make any decisions at this time. I guess we’ll know sometime next week depending if I’m pregnant or not. But, I’m swaying to starting the clomid straight away. After reading all the information, and seeing you need to stick with one treatment for a few cycles, I have a vision of another year passing with no baby appearing.  

The fact of the matter is my eggs are getting older by the day. While they’re not quite geriatric yet, they’re certainly on their way. What if they get dementia and forget what they are or where they’re meant to go?  Nope – I think the time for patience has past and it’s time to get this rainbow baby here quick smart. 

As the song says, “Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.” Having a baby is my dream. I dare to dream it. Now I need to make it happen !

PS – I apologise if I’ve put the tune to “Somewhere over the rainbow” in your head now. But I think it’s a good thing – hopefully it will remind you to have the power to dare to dream and to chase those dreams!