Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Weaning begins

The events of the past few days have meant I haven't been able to breastfeed Sticky during the day. Rather than fighting it, I've taken it as a sign. With a growing baby who's becoming more ferociously hungry daily it's time to accept I just can't provide her what she needs anymore.

With my Grandmother gravely ill, we've been doing hospital visits, family meetings and a lot of driving. It's meant we've been out all day - normally from about 10am to 5pm. Needless to  say, when you need a feeding pillow, nipple shields and a high back chair to breastfeed, constantly being in different locations means it's not possible. 

I've been breastfeeding Sticky for her 4am feed, morning feed and late afternoon feed so she's down to 3 a day. Breastfeeding takes 45 minutes and she'll still need a bottle or two as well. All up, these feeds take about 90mins. It's becoming clear that my supply is becoming more and more inadequate as she requires more and more food.

I'm now going to work towards getting rid of the 4am feed. She never wakes up for it - I only do it because I wake up and my breasts are either leaking or I have blocked ducts. It seems unfair to wake her just for that, especially on the days when she struggles to get back to sleep. And I know it sounds terribley selfish, but I can no longer stand leaking breasts. I feel so disgusting when I wake up feeling wet, and worse still, when the milk literally drops all over me, my clothes and the floor. It seems so ridiculous that my body would waste what precious little milk it actually produces!

I will continue to do the two feeds for now and see how I go. I want to make it to 12 weeks and will then reassess how we're travelling. I'm not entirely comfortable with stopping all together but it seems more and more events transpire against me and I need to respond the best way I can to Sticky's growth. 

Right now, I have a very tiered little girl who's been asleep for nearly 4 hours. She's been carted around for the last few days and I've made the decision that we will go home tomorrow. She's been an absolute trooper and has adapted to everything that's been happening but now, I want to take her home and get her away from all the stress. Sadly, we will be forced back into it soon and her well being has to be my priority - whether she's breastfeed or not!

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