Wednesday, 26 December 2012

How to achieve pregnancy success

I've started hearing alot about Sharkey's Healing Centre, which is a group that provides natural fertility remedies - basically a herb mix. I haven't looked into this indepth, but I did take a look at their website out of interest where I came across the following passage:

"Having a baby is not a 'success', just like NOT having a baby is definitely not a failure.  We believe the miracle of conception is much bigger than just simply achieving a goal or being successful...So when that positive test comes along its really about how significantly you have grown through the process and how much more you will appreciate this pregnancy, this birth and this child when you do become a parent for the first time or again." 

Now, I have no idea about their program and am not advocating it or promoting it in anyway. However, I AM advocating and promoting their approach as a positive one and one I will be adopting.
During the time it took me to conceive, I felt like a failure everytime I got my period. When I miscarried, I felt like a failure because me and my body weren't  strong enough to protect the baby. That ongoing sense of failure, coupled with self-doubt and loathing is an enormous weight to bare. It becomes heavy and your shoulders start to stoop from the weight of it. Then, you look to falling pregnant again as the only way to feel successful again. It's a terrible mouse wheel that goes around and around. 

When we decide we want something, we normally do what we can do get it. And there's so many things in our lives that we make happen. However, what do you do when you have no control over getting what your heart desires? You beat yourself up everytime it doesn't happen.

I no longer feel like a failure because of the miscarriage. For so long I thought "I miscarried the baby" but I realise now that thought puts the blame on me. Instead, I now think "I had a miscarriage". Now, it's just another thing in life I have experienced that I had no control over - like loosing my Grandfathers, having cancer and waiting 37 years to meet my husband. I didn't feel like a failure when any of those things happen. I didn't beat myself up or bring myself down. I appreciated the emotional pain I experienced and loved myself through it.

So, I can totally appreciate their sentiment when they say success is about realising how significantly you have grown through the journey. I can't speak for anyone else's experience of miscarriage, or loosing a baby, but I know I am a stronger, better and wiser person for having experienced it. While I'm sure I could have learnt those lessons by experiencing something else, I guess the lessons would not have been the same. I believe the lessons I've learnt, are the lessons I was meant to learn and now, when I get that positive test, I will be a better and more appreciative parent because of the road I've traveled to reach my destination. 

Image by Stuart Miles
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