I had a Christmas get together on the weekend that included a 16 week old baby, a 1 year old, a 2 year old and a woman who is 6 months pregnant. There’s nothing like throwing yourself into the deep end to see how you’re travelling 10 weeks after a miscarriage. I wondered how I would cope being surrounded with it all but I was absolutely fine.
It gave me an insight into the different stages of parenthood, and pregnancy, with all the goings on of the day. We had the 16 week old laughing and smiling then screaming because she was hungry, the 1 year old stuffing his face full of grapes then grizzling because he was teething, and the 2 year old throwing himself on the floor because he was exhausted after being at the Wiggles concert. I loved every minute of it and couldn’t wait to experience it all.
After everyone left, I bombarded my husband with all my comments – wasn’t the baby so cute, wasn’t the other one funny shoving food in his face, wasn’t the oldest one so well behaved for being so tiered, didn’t the pregnant woman look good! I felt happy and positive just being around it all…until the inevitable crash!
As we laid in bed, I suddenly realised I was back in the two week wait…again! For those that weren’t with us for my first two week wait, take a quick read of it before you move on. So needless to say, I’m nervous being here. To be honest, the thought that I could be pregnant again freaks me out. Not because I feel anxious about miscarrying again, but because I find the prospect of being pregnant twice in 4 months a little hard to grasp. If it was to happen, I wonder how I could be so lucky given some women can’t fall pregnant in 6 to 12 months of trying. I’m trying not to feel guilty if it does happen.
I told my husband I feel a range of emotions: happy but sad, excited but scared, positive but negative, wanting to be pregnant but not wanting to be pregnant. He said he felt the same. So clearly, we’re experiencing some anxiety about venturing into pregnancy again and wondering how it will go. But I’m finding I’m a lot more relaxed this time around. So much so I had wine at my work Christmas party on Friday night and two glasses yesterday. Mind you, I won’t be having anymore but I figure I’ve already experienced the worse so what does it matter!
In the spirit of being more relaxed, I’m not going to keep a day-by-day record of the next 2 weeks like I did last time. I think that just focuses on the fact you’re waiting. I’d rather be relaxed, enjoy Christmas and just hand it over to the universe. However, if my period hasn’t come by New Year’s Eve then I’ll do a pregnancy test as I don’t want to forgo celebratory bubbles unless I have to. So we have 15 days to see if 2012 has any more surprises up its sleeve!
My heart goes out anyone who has lost a child in any capacity and my condolences to you for your loss. My best friend and my sister-in-law each have miscarried multiple times and my heart breaks for them because all they've ever wanted was to have a baby and be mothers. Each time it happened, I always fought to find the words to comfort them, until one of my friends told me about a book to get them. It's called "There Was Supposed To Be a Baby" by Catherine Keating, you can check her and the book on the website http://therewassupposedtobe.com/. I've given this book to each of them as a gift and both have said what a wonderful book and comfort it was to them. Thank you for this post, and may you find peace!
ReplyDeleteHi Jackie, thanks so much for your lovely comment. It's so hard that some many women we love have to suffer through this. It sounds like you've been a really supportive person and as someone in the situation, that's the best thing you can do. Thanks for the note on the book too. I haven't heard of that one so I'll be sure to check it out!
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