Reaping what you sow

One of the books I’m currently reading is “The little book of peace” by Susan Jeffers. It provides snippets from her book “End the struggle and dance with life.” I first came to know her writing in her amazing book “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I highly recommend it for anyone who feels fear is keeping them stuck. Flipping through this book has given me a timely reminder of not to 

let fear rule my life!

One of the passages says “We are told that first we sow the seeds and later we harvest. In truth, we don’t have to wait for later. When we focus on the beauty of the now, we are filled with a sense of gratitude. When we focus on the beauty of now, we are able to harvest while we are sowing the seeds.”  

This passage stuck a real cord with me. I know on some level, I’ve been bogged down in fear of what will happen if I can’t have a baby. I’ve spent so much time thinking about the future – when will I get pregnant again, can I get pregnant again, will I let fear consume my next pregnancy? I know I’ve been losing touch with today. It made me think of all the things my husband and I have been talking about doing that we soon drop because one of us reminds the other “we might have to spend $20,000 on a new baby-friendly car next year.”

It’s true, we might. But we might not too. There are a lot of things we want to do to our house that we put off because of something that may or may not happen. It feels like we’re living our life constantly “waiting” for something and I’ve realised I don’t want to live like that. By waiting, we are saying to ourselves life will only be good when the baby comes. Or, we will only be happy when the baby comes.  Why aren’t we just happy now?

My friend and I were discussing this and she said “Think about where you were two years ago before you met your husband. You just wanted to meet a nice guy and get married. You did that and so now you’re onto the next thing.” It’s true – as humans, as soon as we achieve one dream, we’re straight onto the next. As soon as we get something that makes us happy we think oh, there must be something out there that will make me even happier!

I discussed this with my husband and told him I think we should just go ahead and build our deck. I shared my thoughts on achieving happiness with him and he said he just wants to be happy. I didn’t feel like he totally understood the sentiments I was trying to communicate, but he did say “It doesn’t cost anything to get quotes.”

It was one of those times that reminded me of the differences between my husband and I. I am more spiritual and ideal driven, where he’s more pragmatic. It’s good that we balance each other out but clearly I’ll need to find a way to express my thoughts with him. In the meantime, there’s other ways I can live in the now other than buying a new deck! I will appreciate the beautiful home we are in for our holidays. I will savour my afternoon glass of wine. I will stop and admire the amazing sunset over the beach. I will be grateful for these moments while I continue to sow, knowing I will harvest whatever grows!


Illustration by Sujin Jetkasettakorn
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net