Thursday, 27 June 2013

A glimpse into the future

This week I’ve felt nervous and I couldn’t figure out why. After my post about fear the other day, I suddenly realised why. In a few days I’ll be 10 weeks and that’s double figures. That means if something is going to happen, it’s going to happen soon. Fear was well and truly shouting at me.

When I realised this, I told my husband. I explained how I had this heaviness in my heart because I felt like if we were going to loose the baby, it would happen any day now. He looked at me and said “I would have thought that the closer you get to 12 weeks the less likely it is something will go wrong. I think if something was going to go wrong, it would have already.” Of course he was right.

As I sat there thinking about his words, I suddenly had a flashback to November 2011 and the first time we walked into our house. We had started to look at a house to buy together but we weren’t that serious about it. We were just trying to get an idea of prices and suburbs we wanted to live in. We nearly didn’t see the house because we had an hour wait. I persuaded him to go to the shops and have a coffee and come back. Luckily he agreed.

The minute we walked in we both looked at each other and nodded. This was it. We walked into the bedroom and I said “Oh my god, this is it.” Being the sensible one he said “Don’t yell it.” I put my hand over my mouth. As we walked through it, we loved everything we saw. It literally ticked all our boxes. As we stood in the backyard looking at the house, another couple walked out. My first reaction was “Get the hell out of our house.” I had tried so hard not to get emotionally attached in the real estate process but I was gone.

As we got back in the car and I started to drive home, my husband said something to me but I couldn’t talk. I was literally choked up and had tears running down my face. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “That’s our house,” I said. “That’s were we’re going to grow old together. I’ve had a vision of us raising our children there. That’s our house.” He wasn’t my husband at the time, but luckily for me he proposed the next day!

The vision I had that day was so clear. Suddenly, I saw children running on the grass as I hung out the washing. I saw them spinning around in circles on the grass. They were so real that I could have reached out and touched them. Was that moment a premonition or just a thought? I don’t know, but I choose to believe it was the universe revealing my future to me.

I always wonder why these thoughts suddenly pop into our heads at weird moments. Why did my brain choose that moment to remember that? I have no idea but that happens to me all the time. Maybe it’s the subconscious releasing some of it’s good power. Maybe it’s a part of my brain working hard to battle the fear. Maybe it’s all just a coincidence. But I choose to use it for good to repel the fear. I choose to believe it is a moment that will happen in a few years. I choose to believe that Sticky is one of those children. If I choose to believe it’s true, then nothing can happen to Sticky. Sticky is destined to spin in circles in my backyard. I’ll be sure to take a photo when that happens!

Image by Stuart Miles
Courtesy of

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