Thursday, 13 June 2013

A pregnancy mascot

When I was pregnant last time, my Mum went crazy knitting baby blankets. I think she now has about 5 or 6 waiting for me. It’s a shame the baby will be born in the middle of summer but I’m sure they’ll still come in handy. This time, she’s moved onto crochet and this is her latest creation. We call him Cheerio and he sits on our bed head as our pregnancy mascot!

Mum took her doggy creation into work and immediately got 2 orders. She got a few more after posting a photo of it on Facebook. Such a little arts and crafts star my Mum. While I’m glad she’s excited, and loves making these things, I do worry about her expectations.

When you loose a baby, you don’t just have our own disappointment to deal with, you have everyone else’s too. People say don’t take on other’s feelings, but it’s impossible not to.  When you know everyone is so excited, crossing their fingers, and praying everything is ok, you pray that everything goes well so all those people aren’t disappointed.

My family is a tight knit bunch. They were all devastated when I lost Peanut and are all excited this time around – but cautiously so. My younger brother and Father grapple with not letting their excitement get the better of them. My little brother asked me when I’ll know the baby is guaranteed to be ok? I said not until it’s in my arms and even then, there’s no guarantee. He was deflated.

I had to explain to him that there will never be a moment in our lives when we will know with 100% certainty that our children will always be ok. We will never be out of the woods until we’re in heaven looking down at them. I told him if he was waiting for a specific moment to be happy, it was never going to happen.  Reaching the 2nd trimester is as good as we can get it – prior to birth of course!

My Mum on the other hand is throwing herself into her excitement. She has told all of her brothers and sisters, my Dad hasn’t. My Mum is so excited I had to tell her to stop accidentally telling other people! I get it, she’s excited, but I’ve had to rein her in!

Overall, I think it’s about managing my own expectations. I sit somewhere between my Mum and my brother - wanting to be excited but keeping myself calm. I want to throw myself into things, tell everyone, go to the baby expo, start buying clothes and buy wall stickers for the nursery. But I’m not allowed to. My husband has told me I can’t get excited until 12 weeks and I agree. So I remain excited but reserved.

I find it difficult because I do believe everything will be ok with this pregnancy. I do believe I will end up with at least one, if not two babies in 7 months time. But trying to explain that belief and faith to others is difficult. And I understand this, because they’re managing their own expectations. This pregnancy business is a minefield. We all duck and weave our way through it, avoiding areas of danger, and crossing our fingers we make it out alive. Fingers crossed!

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