I am officially showing. Not enough that anyone else would
assume I’m pregnant, but definitely enough for people to think I’ve been diving
into the cookie jar! And definitely enough that I need to go out and buy new
pants already. And we have such a long way to go!
At this point in time I am only 1.5 weeks more pregnant than
when I lost Peanut. I can’t believe how much difference that time makes.
Guaranteed, it could be because there are twins in there, and I truly hope so.
If I’m this big already with only one then I could be looking at having a giant
baby! My brother was about 10 pounds when he was born and my Mother couldn’t
walk for 2 weeks after. I don’t fancy having one of those. My husband and I are
both around 5’10 so it’s not like we’re small people, but I’m hoping our
genetic mix does not equal giant!
Looking down and seeing my little belly makes me smile but
it also makes me nervous. I guess the good thing about loosing Peanut when I
did (if there is a good) was I hadn’t shown and there was nothing to make the
pregnancy feel real. I had had slight nausea and sore boobs but nothing
terribly noticeable. Now, I have seen the heart beat, gagged on several occasions
and the belly is there. There are definite signs of life within me.
This makes me nervous because if something was to happen
now, it would be so much worse than loosing Peanut. Peanut was real to me, but
Sticky is a beating blob on a screen. It’s hard to explain but to me, there is
such a massive difference between the two experiences.
But, on the other hand, I am also happy because there are
definite signs there is life within me. It makes me smile because I didn’t
experience this with Peanut so I choose to shelve the fears and focus on the
joy. It’s my birthday tomorrow and my first Wednesday off. I’ll spend the day
having lunch with a friend and going pant shopping to get more appropriately
fitting pants. I won’t care about what size I’m getting, or how ridiculously
loose they are everywhere else other than my belly. I’ll just smile knowing
these pants are keeping my babies warm and not cutting off my circulation!
At the start of this year, it was so hard being around all
the pregnant women at work. Now there’s only one more who’s about 6 months
pregnant. It’s good having her here because I see her clothes, check out where
she’s got them from and hear about the scans and the glucose tests. I’m sure
she must think something is going on given I’m pestering her so much, but I
feel more informed being able to ask her these questions.
The biggest news for this week will be Thursday’s scan. I
will finally know if I’m dealing with one or two babies. I’m excited but
dreading it at the same time. Here’s hoping I’m celebrating having a second
life, rather than lamenting a second miscarriage. Fingers crossed!
Image by Jomphong
Courtesy of www.freedigitalimages.net
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