Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The belly has arrived

I am officially showing. Not enough that anyone else would assume I’m pregnant, but definitely enough for people to think I’ve been diving into the cookie jar! And definitely enough that I need to go out and buy new pants already. And we have such a long way to go!

At this point in time I am only 1.5 weeks more pregnant than when I lost Peanut. I can’t believe how much difference that time makes. Guaranteed, it could be because there are twins in there, and I truly hope so. If I’m this big already with only one then I could be looking at having a giant baby! My brother was about 10 pounds when he was born and my Mother couldn’t walk for 2 weeks after. I don’t fancy having one of those. My husband and I are both around 5’10 so it’s not like we’re small people, but I’m hoping our genetic mix does not equal giant!

Looking down and seeing my little belly makes me smile but it also makes me nervous. I guess the good thing about loosing Peanut when I did (if there is a good) was I hadn’t shown and there was nothing to make the pregnancy feel real. I had had slight nausea and sore boobs but nothing terribly noticeable. Now, I have seen the heart beat, gagged on several occasions and the belly is there. There are definite signs of life within me.

This makes me nervous because if something was to happen now, it would be so much worse than loosing Peanut. Peanut was real to me, but Sticky is a beating blob on a screen. It’s hard to explain but to me, there is such a massive difference between the two experiences.

But, on the other hand, I am also happy because there are definite signs there is life within me. It makes me smile because I didn’t experience this with Peanut so I choose to shelve the fears and focus on the joy. It’s my birthday tomorrow and my first Wednesday off. I’ll spend the day having lunch with a friend and going pant shopping to get more appropriately fitting pants. I won’t care about what size I’m getting, or how ridiculously loose they are everywhere else other than my belly. I’ll just smile knowing these pants are keeping my babies warm and not cutting off my circulation!

At the start of this year, it was so hard being around all the pregnant women at work. Now there’s only one more who’s about 6 months pregnant. It’s good having her here because I see her clothes, check out where she’s got them from and hear about the scans and the glucose tests. I’m sure she must think something is going on given I’m pestering her so much, but I feel more informed being able to ask her these questions.

The biggest news for this week will be Thursday’s scan. I will finally know if I’m dealing with one or two babies. I’m excited but dreading it at the same time. Here’s hoping I’m celebrating having a second life, rather than lamenting a second miscarriage. Fingers crossed!

Image by Jomphong
Courtesy of www.freedigitalimages.net

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