Saturday, 1 June 2013

5 hours of terror Part II

So remember how the other day I said this pregnancy was progressing so differently because I hadn't had the cramps? Well, last night they struck and it was back to hospital I went. The only difference was this time it wasn't 5 hours of terror - it was 8!

This is how it all unfolded last time, so I won't bore you with the details because it was pretty much the same last night. The only differences were the nurse couldn't find my vein to take the blood test so she had to massacre both arms to find it. When we had the scan, the sonographer told us there were two sacs so it's possible we have twins, although it could just be one baby with a sac of fluid or blood clot. 

The most traumatic part was having to listen to a doctor come and tell the woman opposite me that she had had a miscarriage. They were unable to find a heartbeat and so he ran through all her options. He was clearly  against the operation, telling her she could die on the operating table from a heart attack or a stroke. I'm sure this did not comfort her, especially since he told her she could have medication but if that didn't work she would have to have the operation. His language and manner was reprehensible and my heart ached for this poor woman.

After an enormous wait, the doctor came to tell us that the scans looked fine. The baby, or potentially babies, measured "around" 5 weeks 3 days. Technically, I was 5 week 5 days so that was ok. My HCG was greater than 1000 but they don't get an exact number. I was devastated not to have this number as that what was going to tell us whether I was loosing the baby or not. I was told my GP could get the number tomorrow but that was no help given my GP isn't open. Anyway, end story was it was too early to tell if anything had gone wrong given everything looked like it was meant to. 

Part of me was terrified it was going to be like Peanut all over again, where I was told the miscarriage must have only just happened. I didn't have bleeding or cramps, I just had the start of the discharge that continues to haunt me. At 3am we were finally given the all clear to leave.

This morning I'm shattered. I've been googling trying to find answers to when you should see the foetal pole, when you should see the heart beat, what normal HCG levels are for twins, vanishing twin syndrome (where you miscarry one) and perigestational haemaroma which the other sac could be. Basically, that's a blood clot that can cause bleeding but normally vanishes by the 2nd trimester.

Of course, there are no answers. The only answer will come in time. I did have more discharge today and I'm trying not to freak out about that. The cramping has lessened but I'm now getting some lower abdominal cramping so I have no idea about all of that. All I've done today is rest up and try to stay as still as possible. The homeopath told me to take one of my remedies if a miscarriage threatened as it may be able to stop it so I'm doing that just to be sure. 

It's so frustrating that I have to go through this nerve racking time. I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for something to happen. For there to be more cramping, bleeding or God knows what. I know I can't control it and I know I can't stop whatever will happen. But it makes me so mad that my body seems intent on making this pregnancy business so difficult for me. 

I have gone straight into action plan mode though preparing for the worse. I told my husband that next time we'll go straight to IVF and get the genetic testing done. I'm not too sure how many times I'll be able to put myself through this. Of course he said lets not get too far ahead of ourselves. I'm trying not to but it's so very hard not to. Ideally, I would love a massive wave of nausea to hit me just so I know Sticky is still there going strong. Mind you, I probably wouldn't know the difference between pregnancy nausea and anxiety nausea because God knows I've created enough of that for myself.

In the end, time will tell. Pray to the baby Gods for me. I need all the help I can get!

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