Monday, 30 December 2013

36 weeks

36 weeks and only 20 days to go. They are clearly not going to be an easy 20 days.

Yesterday was the first day I've really struggled. It was 36 degrees here which is 98 F. The day started off ok but then the heat kicked in and I just sat in the air conditioning all day. I'm so desperate to get out of the house so we decided we would go out to lunch today. I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a bus so I needed to stay at home. 

I managed to go out and get some groceries today but collapsed in a heap when I got home. It was cooler today but I just felt hot and bothered. I'm feleing uncomfortable and irritable and nearly had a meltdown trying to find a new fridge filter online. Luckily, my husband just turned on the air con and told me to sit down. I felt better after a while.

My mood was lifted by finding a large package on the doorstep. It was a delivery from my sister-in-law which included some new suits, shoes and a blanket for Sticky. The shoes were so cute and they were the first we've received. Sticky is such a lucky girl to have a new wardrobe.

As the pregnancy progresses, I get more and more worried something will happen to her. I know it's nothing more than the culmination of bad stories in my head and I wish they weren't there. I wish well meaning friends had never shared their stories with me. I wish I hadn't read Facebook updates. I wish I hadn't read stories on the Internet. But, I can't unknow what I know, I can only deal with what's in my head.

When I told my husband of my concerns, he responded in all his wisdom. He told me that Sticky is actually in the safest place she will ever be in. It's not until she enters the world that all the possible dangers can present themselves. While I know deep down he's 100% right, at least on the outside I have some control of her surroundings. Right now I have none. But, that has been my ongoing challenge in this pregnancy - lamenting my lack of control.

All I can do is keep talking to Sticky and telling her how much I'm looking forward to meeting her. I keep praying to Peanut and Babs and ask them to watch over their sister. And I keep on having the faith that she is meant to be here. I know in my heart of heart Sticky is going to be fine. I think I'm just at the point where I'm ready for it to be over now. But as a wise friend said, the apple falls from the tree when it is ripe. So why I wait for her to finish ripening, it's clearly an ongoing opportunity to practice patience. God knows I'll need it once she arrives. 

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