Friday, 20 December 2013

Fabulous Friday

Happy Fabulous Friday! I hope you've all had a great week. What's fabulous about to Friday is coming full circle!
I had my last appointment with the counsellor today before Sticky arrives and I'm glad I did. I had immediately and ahhed about whether I needed it or not but decided to go just to wrap things up.

In talking to her, I realised how far I have come since I first saw her at the start of the year. At that time, loosing Peanut was still very raw and I was in the midst of getting myself right in the head to start trying again. This progressed to trying to fall pregnant again, loosing Babs and dealing with all the challenges the pregnancy bought. It's been a full on year to say the least.

But, what I realised was, despite the fact my path to Motherhood has been brutal at times, I've learnt so much from it. I am more perceptive, trusting of myself and confident in my abilities. These are all the qualities a good Mum needs to have. I've also become clearer on my boundaries with people and what relationships are really important to me. 

I realised that I've actually moved on from some relationships because I'm not the needy person I was. I'm so much stronger now that previous relationships no longer serve the purpose they once did. The element of need, support and dependence that drove the various relationships no longer exists so the need for that person no longer exists.

It's quite freeing to have my eyes opened like this because I now see that some of those relationships were quite dysfunctional. Of course I see this now because I have survived an emotionally tortuous experience and for the most part, I survived it by myself. I had enormous support and people to hold my hand, but I was the one that had to do the work. I was the one that had to learn how to survive. 

Coming out the other end of such a ride, stronger and more capable then what you were when you went in, changes you as a person. I am so much stronger now. I have a heightened sense of awareness of others and my own intuition. I have significantly increased my level of emotional intelligence and for me, that's the clincher. I no longer have time for people who have a very low level, or non existent level of emotional intelligence. 

For too long, those people have treated their relationship with me like a tap they just turn on and off whenever they want a drink. I accepted that as being ok but not anymore. I no longer  have time for those people because I choose to operate on a higher plane and surround myself with people on the same plane. Put simply, my experience, and the way I chose to deal with it, means I've just outgrown some people and that's ok.

I'm the first to admit that I didn't handle things well to begin with and why would I? The past 14 months have been like no other period in my life so I was on a very steep learning curve and it took me a while to get it. But, as Queen Oprah says, when you know better you do better, and as I learnt, my coping skills and reactions got better. Some people will go through emotionally turbulent times and never learn from it or change their reaction to it. That's ok because they are on their own plane. I just choose not to be on the plane with them.

So knowing this means I feel more at peace with trusting my ability to handle this new chapter in my life. It's pretty rare that you know an event is going to happen that will change your life forever. But, in 30 days, that's exactly what's going to happen. So, while there is an element of the unknown, I know I am as emotionally prepared for Sticky's arrival as I can possibly be. It's taken me a long time to get here, but the fact I'm now here, is truly fabulous! 

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