Friday, 5 July 2013

Fabulous but frazzled Friday

Last night I was kept awake until 3:30am thanks to a police siege outside my house. I have had disrupted sleep every night this week thanks to terrible gas pains and waking up hungry. I have reached a whole new level of exhaustion I have never known so it’s very difficult to feel fabulous today when my brain has left my body.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about the gas pains, well, I’m trying not to. I think I’m just struggling with how massively unprepared I was to face the realities of pregnancy. I know everyone’s first pregnancy is a whole new world but I think you base your expectations on the established norms. I expected nausea, bloating, farting, burping and expanding belly. I did not expect gas pains that keep you awake and cause enormous discomfort. I did not expect to wake up at 1:30am, 3:30am, 4:30am or 5:30am so hungry I could eat my arm. I did not expect to be facing sleepless nights so soon.

All my friends tell me I should get use to it. This is how it’s going to be once the baby arrives. I know that, but when the baby arrives I won’t have to be at work by 8:30am and write and talk in sensible sentences. I won’t have to stay back to 6pm because someone suddenly decides they need something. I won’t have to deal with work at all. And that’s the difference.

I know I’ll have a few years of sleepless nights ahead of me and I’m prepared for that. But I don’t think I should have to deal with them now. It’s way too soon. I still have just over 6 months before this baby arrives so the sleeplessness should come in the 3rd trimester. That’s when you should be getting use to it, not now!

What is fabulous though is with each passing day, I take a step closer to the magic 2nd trimester mark. And with each day that passes, I also hope I am taking a step closer to the “pregnancy glow” kicking in. Again, I base my experience on expectations. My expectations for 2nd trimester are the nausea will stop, the gas will go and sleep will return. I so hope that’s the case. My bubble was burst though when a friend said her morning sickness kicked in at 12 weeks and lasted the rest of her pregnancy. I have fingers crossed I am not a victim of that.

So I apologise. I know this post has been more of a “Frazzled Friday” post rather than a “Fabulous Friday” post, but I’ll end on something fabulous. I’ll admit I am struggling big time at the moment. Everything seems so hard because I am so tiered. But whenever I think of having a tantrum, or collapsing in a heap, I think of the most fabulous thing I have ever seen. And that was my baby waving at me - a tiny little hand that was waving hello just to me.  Call me crazy, but in that moment I heard Sticky say “Hi Mum, I’m doing good in here. I’ll see you soon.” That moment is getting me through all the moments, and it truly is a fabulous thing! 

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