Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Losing my security blanket

Second trimester should be a time for celebration and feeling a sense of relief. On one hand it is, and on the other it isn’t. Normally, women celebrate the fact they’re feeling better, the nausea is dissipating and the energy has returned. While feeling better is great, the lack of symptoms throws you into no man’s land of not knowing what’s going on.

My excitement of being in second trimester was short lived. While I note a decrease in my nausea and breast pain, and a very slight increase in energy, the lack of symptoms concerns me. For 9 weeks  I’ve been focussed on every little niggle I felt. Every symptom was proof Sticky was doing well. Those symptoms were my security blanket and now it’s been taken away.

I was always worried about this time. You get use to feeling a certain way and now that’s changed. You have to get use to feeling a different way. It’s unnerving and I’m feeling a little anxious. How do I know Sticky is still doing well without those signs? Basically, I don’t. I have no choice but to keep travelling on hoping and praying it’s all happening as it should be.

I know this period of feeling nothing will be short lived. Hopefully, it will only be 5 weeks before Sticky starts to get a bit cramped in there starts kicking away. I know I will regret saying this later on when I feel like I’m being beaten up from the inside, but I like the idea of being able to poke my tummy at anytime and get a response back. Come 18-20 weeks, Sticky will be my security blanket!

In the 5 to 7 weeks between now and then, I will visit the obstetrician twice and have the 19 week scan. I guess those are my only chances for reassurance. Well, that and the fact my belly should be getting bigger.

I was going to tell my work colleagues and some friends over the next 2 weeks but I think I might hold off a little more. For me, the most important people in my life already know and I don’t feel the others really need to. Part of me feels like I’m showing off making this grand announcement - “Look at me, I’m pregnant!” I know that’s not the case but I think I just don’t want to share Sticky with anyone else yet. Another week or two won’t kill them but I want to make sure I’m ready to do it, rather than thinking I should.  

I know there is nothing I can do and I know I should enjoy the fact I feel better. It won’t last for long so I should try my hardest to enjoy it before I reach 3rd trimester, am fat as a house and trying to survive summer. This is the time to live it up so I’ll try my hardest!

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