Friday, 26 July 2013

Fabulous Friday

Happy Fabulous Friday all! Sorry for the late post. It’s been one of those hectic days but I’ve decided to stay back at work to post this. What’s fabulous about today is blogs! I had never really read blogs until I started my own, but now I appreciate them for the information, insight and improvement they bring into my life.

Yesterday, I had my day off and I was feeling a little lack lustre after my crying fest the night before. I decided to head to my new favourite cafĂ© for a coffee and muffin and read my friend’s blog. She posted this link to another blog which I just loved, and provided me with some much needed insight.

I realised that as a Mother, your  life will forever be filled with fear. As a parent, there is simply no escaping it. I know this because I have been a suedo Mother to many children. I worked in child care for 8 years including 5 years at a child care centre and 3 years as a nanny. As a nanny, I had sole care of the children, often for weeks at a time, so I know the fear that comes with having little souls in your care.

I know it’s different because they weren’t my children, but I loved them like they were. I experienced the moments that strike fear into your heart and suck the breath right out of you. Like when you realise you have no idea where they are. Or their temperatures spike to a level that could cause convulsions. Or they fall off their bike, rip their leg open, and you have to deal with protruding bones and flaps of skin. Or, when they get so sick they just lie lifeless in your arms.

I finished my last nanny job 13 years ago but those moments are as clear in my mind now as if they happened yesterday. And when I play those moments in my head, I see me, pushing through the fear and rising to the challenge to love them, protect them, care for them and reassure them everything was ok. The examples I provided are just a snap shot, but the one thing they all have in common was I excelled everytime.

I remember the feeling of my heart skipping a beat and leaping into my chest. I remember being filled with dread and praying they would be ok. And I remember being able to push those feelings aside and methodically think through what I needed to do in each situation. That’s what a Mother does – when things look the most grim, she pushes through everything to find a way through.

All this time, I thought I was struggling with the impatient side of myself that couldn’t cope with the fear because I still have 174 days until I meet Sticky and that’s just too long. But it’s not the impatient side of me that is struggling, it’s the control freak side. The side that wants to know what is happening every minute of every day. The side that wants to know what will happen in the next minute of every day. It doesn’t matter if you’re a parent or not, none of us have that ability.

All of us have or will experience the moments where our life suddenly changes direction. The moment you suddenly receive news that something has happened that sends you into a spin. And it won’t just happen once. It will happen numerous times in our lifetime. I think it will probably just happen more as a parent because your lifetime suddenly involves more people and unpredictable ones. So when I think about that, I realise that from the moment I first found out I was pregnant, fear became an enduring part of my life. So do I choose to live on the edge, constantly worried about what could go wrong on a daily basis? Or do I build resilience and have confidence in myself? I know I can rise to the challenge so I think I’ll go for resilience.

It’s funny how remembering these things from our past can make such a huge impact to our current life. At the time, I didn’t think it was anything significant, I was just doing my job, motivated by my love for those children. But back then I wasn’t a Mother and now I am. Who knows, maybe all that time I spent looking after those children was preparation for this very moment. Either way, I am feeling much more calm and content and all because of one little post on one little blog!

Have a great weekend all! 

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