Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Preparing to say goodbye

Last night, I was thinking about my current group of friends and the ones I will most likely loose touch with once Sticky is on the scene. I don’t like to think that I will no longer be friends with someone just because children come along, but it’s inevitable. I’ve lost many friendships due to children and the fact your lives just split in different directions. When the split occurs, friends will either come with you or not.

I thought I should start preparing myself now for the fact these people won’t be in my life anymore. I don’t like to assume these things but I think I can have a pretty good guess. I think it’s wise to give yourself time to accept the fact that people who have been in your life for a long period of time, won’t be there for much longer.

When I look over my broad group of friends I see a few different categories – those I’ll loose touch with completely, those I won’t see as often but know we’ll both make the effort, those I’ll see regularly, those I’ll see more and those that will be rekindled because we now both have children. I’m glad that there’s only a few in the first category, but those are the ones who have been gradually stepping out of my life for a while now. They’re the ones who have made it abundantly clear that their goals, direction and values in life are the total polar opposite to mine. So opposite, that they can’t even support or respect the decisions I make in my life. So yes, those are the ones that will be the first to go.

But, in looking at all of this, I also realise that having a baby will bring new friends into my life. I’ll meet people through mothers’ groups, play groups, child care, school and ballet or football. Mind you, I have some friends who didn’t get on with anyone in their mothers group so that could be the case. I do wonder if I’ll be the old girl in the group, sitting around with Mums in their mid 20s. That might drive me nuts but we’ll wait and see.

It will be a while before Sticky goes to child care, and school, and starts whatever classes we’re cruel enough to inflict, so it might be a while before I have these new friends. But, I’m ok with that. The thing I’ve learnt about friendships is you can never tell at the start the ones that will grow and survive. I’ve had many “situational” friendships where as soon as you leave the situation you never hear or speak to them ever again. I’ve had friendships where the person suddenly experiences some huge emotional turmoil and starts pushing you away or just leaves all together. These things you can’t control.

On the flip side, I’ve had situational friendships turn into long-term friendships. I’ve had friendships that started from random meetings last 20 years. I’ve had friendships that have lasted the challenges of living in different countries and states. So in the end, I realise that the people we have in our lives are there for a reason and a season, and sometimes the season is short and sometimes it’s long.

Sometimes  I feel sad about the friendships I’ve lost along the way. I know the season had to end but for those who let their emotional issues ruin our friendship, I often wonder if they think the price was worth it. It’s hard for me to understand because I would never sacrifice a close friendship just so I could wallow in my issues and prove myself right, but, maybe I just put more value on my friendships than others. In the times I feel sad, I remind myself of how lucky I am to have such fabulous friends around me. I know I had to lose some to make room for others so I don’t lament the ones I lost too because they bought me fabulous new ones.

And, as I enter this new phase of my life, where I will have meltdowns and need support, I know I have a group of friends around me that will be there to support me no matter what. When I call them to say I need to go out for a drink, they'll be the first ones on board. And as a new mother, and a loving friend, I couldn’t ask for more than that!  

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Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

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